i am not a designer

hello nanette lepore bikini.

i’ve never really in my entire life envisioned wearing a bikini in public.  i just have never been all that comfortable with the idea and frankly, i’ve always thought i’d be doing the world a favor by not doing so.

i’m feeling pretty different about myself these days.

7.8 lbs down in one week.  i’m working on it.  i’m not beyond giving up cake for you.  and you know, i really like cake (insert fat kid reference here).

there’s a chance we may meet soon.  maybe we’l become friends and we’ll go to Tulum together. i’ve been dying to go back.  i think you’ll love it.  and i think you’ll like my less cumbersome C-cup. and i think the dr. will like you too.  we should really think about getting together. 

It’s weird.  It really is ultimately weird to be starting out Day 5 without any intense cravings or mental anguish over the fact I can’t have bread, rice or cupcakes.

I’m not complaining but…wtf?

I think about a cupcake and I feel nothing.  There is something amiss with the universe.

There is a tiny blip that says,“Oh,yes, those are nice.” but my body isn’t scheming ways to sneak one in today.  

Well played Jumpstart MD.  I applaud you. 

I’ve been planning my meals and making sure I eat all my required servings of protein and carbs (10 protein, 3 veggie carbs,  2 fruit carbs and as many leafy greens as I can stuff in my face) but somedays it’s hard to get it all in. 

My irrational brain is telling me that all is working fine because I’m still allowing myself coffee (stevia + soy creamer).  

My need and love for coffee knows no bounds.

Day 5: 6.9 lbs down

• Question: heeey so you got a breast reduction op right? im actually thinking about getting one since like forever, because i really hate having this pack pain all the time and spending a fortune in bras (im a 28E/DD and its reaaally hard to find my size) and i just want to feel better about myself. so i was wondering if you have any tips? it is not set in stone yet, im not even 18 and i have to look at the costs and stuff but i really wish i could get one xoxo - Anonymous
• Answer:

  i did get a breast reduction recently and I think it’s the best thing i’ve done for myself.  if you have back pain talk to your doctor about it and have them put it in your records.  also if you have neck or shoulder pain or grooves in your shoulders from bras and if you’ve had any rashes under the boob area.  if they document it and have it in writing you could get health insurance to cover some if not all of the surgery.  my insurance covered half of my costs.  since you’re not 18 yet i don’t really know if you can get the surgery yet but you’re definitely going to be eligible for it in the future and it would totally help with the back issues AND the self confidence.  i spent a loooot of time hiding in baggy clothes because my boobs were insane and brought me a lot of attention i didn’t want, especially when i was a teenager.

  also, the surgery and recovery isn’t as painful or awful as you may think.  recovery has been pretty easy for me (knock on wood).  i’m about 4 weeks post op and i feel pretty much normal with the occassional swelling and some soreness around my incisions but it’s not preventing me from living my normal life except i’m not clear to work out just yet.   you’ll do fine.  i think recovery is probably easier the younger you are too!  i think the best advice i can give you is to make sure your primary care physician knows about the back pain your large chest gives you as well as all the other pains/aches/rashes that occur with having 28E breasts.  then the next steps would be making a consultation with a surgeon to discuss the surgery and in my experience their offices will handle submitting your paperwork to insurance to see if they’ll cover it.  they’ll also give you a realistic quote of what it will cost without insurance and then you can decide what you want to do.  It’s only a consultation too, you won’t have to make any decisions that day about anything.  If you don’t like that surgeon you can go elsewhere or if you’re still not sure about it you don’t have to schedule anything until you’re sure.  If you’re under 18 you’ll probably need to go with a parent or a guardian too I believe but I’m not 100% sure.  Good luck and I hope it works out for you!  I definitely have no regrets and I wished I had done this when I sooner!

Perfect sized ice pack for swollen side boob. Look for kid sized ice packs. They’re more malleable than just solid ice. Since most of swelling is happening under my arm pit I just stick it under my top but over my bra so there’s a barrier and I keep my arm tucked close to hold it in place.  I’m at work so I can sit here all day and work this way at my computer without looking like i’m icing my side boob.  I look forward to when this swelling stage is over. It comes and goes but does cause soreness.

Meal prep for the week.

day 23 recovery.  i saw iron man 3 and ate a salad.

business as usual. i’m a bit amazed at how normal i sorta feel.

the only exception is when i poke righty it still feels like i’m nudging someone else’s overfull water balloon.  weird.

also: i will always love superhero movies and even though i know things usually work out in the end i still get really wrapped up in the idea that they just might not thus causing me to make embarrassing ‘oh no!’ noises in the movie theater.

And now it begins.

I was hoping that maybe I would skip this phase.  Everything has been going so smoothly.

And now, Day 22 at 3:45 PM in the afternoon the underside of my right boob somewhere deep in an unreachable place.

TORTURE.

In other news, I met with the peeps at jumpstartmd and found out that my appendages are at their normal weight, it’s just my torso that’s a problem.

operation shrink belly begins tomorrow! 

• Question: Having my surgery in 33 days and I'm so excited/terrified. Going from a 34HH to a 34 C/D. I cannot wait to be able to run without the risk of causing myself an injury. I just wanted to say thanks for posting everything here. It is seriously helping to put me at ease. Any advice before I say tata to the tatas? - Anonymous
• Answer:

  i don’t have any real advice outside of take a photo before to have on hand.  it may just be me but i really like having photo documentation of how my body has changed over the years.  Congratulations on taking this step!  It’s so exciting!  Don’t get too stressed or anxious beforehand.  You literally show up and fall asleep and wake up and they’re gone!

  Remember to move things down from high shelves that you may need and bring them down to arm level because reaching up will be painful for a couple of weeks. also, don’t put them too low because bending over isn’t really recommended either.  I will say, after the first week I started doing squats when i needed to pick stuff up or reach for something I dropped and was pretty satisfied with myself that i found a way to do some sort of exercise!  Being banned from the gym for the time being has been tough!

   It was really helpful to have someone around for 2-3 days after to help you while you recover.  By Day 3 I was doing ok walking and moving around but I didn’t do too much of either.  Really take it easy that first week and rest.  

  Eat lots of pineapple, take your stool softener with each pain pill, arnica is great, and enjoy your new boobs!  

  
  Also, this website has been a really great source of information and a great support community for any questions that you may have.

  http://www.realself.com/breast-reduction/forum

my incisions look decent and i feel less vulnerable knowing things are pretty much closed up and healing.  i’m less anxious in public and no longer have my fists at boob level balled up for punching.

i’m still careful when bending to get something, straight back squatting a lot to pick things up which leads to happy boobs and stronger quads.  

sharp nerve pain still comes and goes, it happens mostly in the evenings.  the right boob is still angrier.  

still swollen a bit, mostly under the arms.  it’s super awkward to try and hold 2 bags of ice under each arm pit to help with the swelling.  i need to find those smaller kids ice packs to wrap in cloth napkins and stuff in the sides of my bra.

my diet has not been all over the map.  i made cookies this weekend.  i really shouldn’t have because i proceeded to stuff my face with them for the past 48 hours and this has started an insatiable craving for sugar in all forms.  i’m not only watching my side boobs swell but my belly as well.

i need to stop the cookie madness.  it only leads to cake madness.

i’ve been trying to be good about keeping up with homework but after working a full day the last thing i want to do is read about the three major series of open web joists and metal decking for structural support. 

i’m still on the search for the most comfortable bra to wear during the day that provides some compression to keep the girls in place on moving trains but doesn’t dig into my incisions. Sometimes, at work,   I’ll reach under my shirt and hold the bottom band away from my sore skin with one hand while i read emails. I think this discomfort could be causing the swelling.  I go back to my surgeon for a follow up next week.  We’ll see when I can get back to the gym, check for sensation again, especially angry right boob, and when can i start using scar tape.

i’m stil sleeping upright on the pillow fort castle.  the dr. calls it the treehouse.  on occasion he’ll climb up and snuggle.  i miss being on the inside of the spoon.