burn class over and done with before the sun comes up. when the alarm first goes off at 5AM i wonder why i constantly do this to myself and think about ignoring it. then i get up, put on my big girl pants and walk to the studio and tell myself that i can always choose to stop and leave whenever i want to.  i never do. then the work is done and i am stronger for having done it. at some point during the last and almost always impossible feeling cardio set this morning i realize that when i start to crap out is when something in my brain tells me, “you can’t do this. don’t be ridiculous. it’s almost over so why bother? it’s not like that belly is going anywhere anytime soon.” instead of finding ways to cheat, instead of reaching for my water or slowing down i politely told my brain that i wasn’t finished working out yet and if it wanted to be surly and self depreciating i would greatly appreciate it if it could shut up for at least another 10 minutes until i was done.  working out is more than just moving around really really fast or lifting heavy things.  at least for me.  it’s an exercise in taking the power away from the part of me that doesn’t believe in myself and putting it towards something else, something better, something more loving. the more i do this the better i feel mentally.  the physical change is a given. the muscle definition is a given.  the mental shift from self-doubt to self-confidence is where the true work lies and where the biggest payoff is. 

burn class over and done with before the sun comes up. when the alarm first goes off at 5AM i wonder why i constantly do this to myself and think about ignoring it. then i get up, put on my big girl pants and walk to the studio and tell myself that i can always choose to stop and leave whenever i want to.  i never do. then the work is done and i am stronger for having done it. at some point during the last and almost always impossible feeling cardio set this morning i realize that when i start to crap out is when something in my brain tells me, “you can’t do this. don’t be ridiculous. it’s almost over so why bother? it’s not like that belly is going anywhere anytime soon.” instead of finding ways to cheat, instead of reaching for my water or slowing down i politely told my brain that i wasn’t finished working out yet and if it wanted to be surly and self depreciating i would greatly appreciate it if it could shut up for at least another 10 minutes until i was done.  

working out is more than just moving around really really fast or lifting heavy things.  at least for me.  it’s an exercise in taking the power away from the part of me that doesn’t believe in myself and putting it towards something else, something better, something more loving. the more i do this the better i feel mentally.  the physical change is a given. the muscle definition is a given.  the mental shift from self-doubt to self-confidence is where the true work lies and where the biggest payoff is. 

pilates burnsf fallbackonburn fitness healthyliving exercise

i’ve been pretty quiet.  It’s been work and working out and work and working out and more work and then some more working out and two naps a weekend.
October is flying by and completing the #fallbackonburn challenge this month that Burn SF is having (20 classes in 30 days) is kicking my butt in a really good way.  
I’m 8 classes down and i definitely feel stronger.  I’m supplementing burn with at least 1-2 pilates reformer classes a week and if i’ve got it in me 1 soulcycle class a week.  and my PT sessions are their own sweat fest as she has me doing lots of reformer and core stabilizing exercises in the studio. 
the knee is better but still not ideal. i still feel like i go down the stairs like an elephant out of control. with all the glute stuff and ankle stabilizing i’ve been working on i’m still at a loss at how badly my lower body handles itself when i go down the stairs.  my left knee is just…not very good at it’s job.
despite feeling some stalling in getting my knees on track i’m back to being able to do some of the high impact stuff at burn which feels good.  i never thought in my life i’d be happy that i can do jumping jacks again but there you have it.
i am not my pre-teen self hiding from gym class.
i guess it helps that i had my 36G’s reduced.
I keep on working on the weight though as I know that it definitely plays a part in my unhappy joints.  climbing out of the garfield zone one jumping jack at a time.
but if i have to do another set of mountain climbers to plank ups to mountain climbers again at 6AM i may just punch someone in the face.

i’ve been pretty quiet.  It’s been work and working out and work and working out and more work and then some more working out and two naps a weekend.

October is flying by and completing the #fallbackonburn challenge this month that Burn SF is having (20 classes in 30 days) is kicking my butt in a really good way.  

I’m 8 classes down and i definitely feel stronger.  I’m supplementing burn with at least 1-2 pilates reformer classes a week and if i’ve got it in me 1 soulcycle class a week.  and my PT sessions are their own sweat fest as she has me doing lots of reformer and core stabilizing exercises in the studio. 

the knee is better but still not ideal. i still feel like i go down the stairs like an elephant out of control. with all the glute stuff and ankle stabilizing i’ve been working on i’m still at a loss at how badly my lower body handles itself when i go down the stairs.  my left knee is just…not very good at it’s job.

despite feeling some stalling in getting my knees on track i’m back to being able to do some of the high impact stuff at burn which feels good.  i never thought in my life i’d be happy that i can do jumping jacks again but there you have it.

i am not my pre-teen self hiding from gym class.

i guess it helps that i had my 36G’s reduced.

I keep on working on the weight though as I know that it definitely plays a part in my unhappy joints.  climbing out of the garfield zone one jumping jack at a time.

but if i have to do another set of mountain climbers to plank ups to mountain climbers again at 6AM i may just punch someone in the face.

burnsf fallbackonburn pilates patellofemoral syndrome fitness journey

RES THEY SAY VISION - ROBBIE RIVERA ( mark mac & house-bound remix )

well, hearing this song this morning in Ryan’s burn class brought me back to a very specific time and place that brought me so much joy that i could not stop smiling or singing along although my hamstrings and lower abs were complaining during the leg spring series of class.

it was the year i moved to san francisco. i was listening to a lot of house music and going out to a lot of clubs. i was drinking with abandon, holding down a job and having the time of my life after escaping LA. San Francisco was my life reset button. I moved and all of a sudden I felt like I was finally among my people. There was no social anxiety. There was no struggling to find my place. I had found my home.

And this song reminded me of that feeling, the feeling of arriving somewhere where you could finally stop holding your breath.

SoundCloud markmac00 san francisco home

it’s cold but the sun has come out and i’m like "NOoooOOOOOoooo I’m MEeeeeEEltttiIiing!!" like some sort of witch.
oh weather, what about MY needs.  
I HAVE SO MANY INFINITY SCARVES THAT NEED WEARING.

it’s cold but the sun has come out and i’m like "NOoooOOOOOoooo I’m MEeeeeEEltttiIiing!!" like some sort of witch.

oh weather, what about MY needs.  

I HAVE SO MANY INFINITY SCARVES THAT NEED WEARING.

weather woes

argh, i know, i know, i know.  not another post about soulcycle.

but one of my most awesome and dearest friends sadia  (if you’re looking for new music, her tumblr is the one to follow) rode the podium for her birthday today and watching her ride was an absolute joy.  lauren’s 730 freaks were out in full effect and the room was just full of so much awesome energy and love it helped put some things in perspective for me.

sometimes i feel like i bring a lot of whining and complaining to the table lately that i should not be surprised that THAT is what i’m met with everyday from the universe.  

put something different out there and see what comes back at you.

also, don’t guzzle water like a beast in a high intensity cardio session if you don’t know how to make yourself burp. tonight’s class was insanely sweaty and i felt a bit leg crampy so i over watered myself and now have felt that weird stomach sick when too much air and liquid is trapped inside of you.

gross.

i know.

the more you know…

my friends are awesome 730 freaks lauren mchale soulcycle

my story is up on fitfluential’s website!
i made it back to burnsf this morning for the first time since the wedding and while i steered clear of lunges and some of the leg spring work that involves bent knees i survived and it felt pretty amazing.
the dr. met me at herbivore for breakfast and when we got home i saw that fitfluential had put up my story of their blog and got sucked down the rabbit hole thinking about how lax i’ve been since the wedding.  feeling like i’ve been slacking in my workout routine.
the thing is.
i slacked for about 2 weeks.
i was deathly ill for one of them and nursing a wandering patella.
looking at my calendar for this past week it matches my workout schedule prior to the wedding swapping out HIIT at burn for pilates reformer classes to help rehabilitate my knee. i’m not working myself into a sweaty frenzy most days i’m still working pretty hard so i need to cut myself some slack.
which is apparently hard for me to do.
i spent a good chunk of the day in the park for sadia’s birthday and chatting with jason and scott about their upcoming wedding.  words can’t express how happy i am for them and for the fact i get to attend a wedding and not be in one.  i feel truly lucky i get a second chance to see people again this year and actually get to spend time with them.  while i got to hang out pre or post wedding with some folks it felt like there simply wasn’t enough quality time to spend with everyone to catch up.
the boys are in the midst of that "there’s still so much left to do and we’re slacking!!" thing that seems to happen a month out from the wedding.  we all know it’ll all work out just fine but the stress and worry just happens.  you can’t help it.  
i got home from the park and went down for a late nap and woke up feeling dehydrated and sore.
or right.
my return to burn.  my legs are achy and my skin feels crispy and weird like a day in the sun.  right.  even though it’s only san francisco’s version of hot (70s with a breeze) i didn’t bother to put sunscreen on.
the dr. and i ordered in Mission Chinese and watched ‘a fish called wanda’ on hulu just to see if the movie aged well and still held up. the movie description used the phrase “hilarious antics of Jamie Lee Curtis and John Cleese” even though the comedic parts were carried mostly by Michael Palin and Kevin Kline.  JLC and JC were the least funny people in a not as fully as I remembered it movie.
monday i’m back in the saddle for sadia’s soulcycle birthday ride with the #730freaks and the lovely and wonderful miss lauren mchale. 
burn sf is having a fall challenge and my gimp knee isn’t going to prevent me from trying to make it 20 classes in October. 
now the only thing i need to figure out is how to stop inhaling anything with sugar that passes by my face.

my story is up on fitfluential’s website!

i made it back to burnsf this morning for the first time since the wedding and while i steered clear of lunges and some of the leg spring work that involves bent knees i survived and it felt pretty amazing.

the dr. met me at herbivore for breakfast and when we got home i saw that fitfluential had put up my story of their blog and got sucked down the rabbit hole thinking about how lax i’ve been since the wedding.  feeling like i’ve been slacking in my workout routine.

the thing is.

i slacked for about 2 weeks.

i was deathly ill for one of them and nursing a wandering patella.

looking at my calendar for this past week it matches my workout schedule prior to the wedding swapping out HIIT at burn for pilates reformer classes to help rehabilitate my knee. i’m not working myself into a sweaty frenzy most days i’m still working pretty hard so i need to cut myself some slack.

which is apparently hard for me to do.

i spent a good chunk of the day in the park for sadia’s birthday and chatting with jason and scott about their upcoming wedding.  words can’t express how happy i am for them and for the fact i get to attend a wedding and not be in one.  i feel truly lucky i get a second chance to see people again this year and actually get to spend time with them.  while i got to hang out pre or post wedding with some folks it felt like there simply wasn’t enough quality time to spend with everyone to catch up.

the boys are in the midst of that "there’s still so much left to do and we’re slacking!!" thing that seems to happen a month out from the wedding.  we all know it’ll all work out just fine but the stress and worry just happens.  you can’t help it.  

i got home from the park and went down for a late nap and woke up feeling dehydrated and sore.

or right.

my return to burn.  my legs are achy and my skin feels crispy and weird like a day in the sun.  right.  even though it’s only san francisco’s version of hot (70s with a breeze) i didn’t bother to put sunscreen on.

the dr. and i ordered in Mission Chinese and watched ‘a fish called wanda’ on hulu just to see if the movie aged well and still held up. the movie description used the phrase “hilarious antics of Jamie Lee Curtis and John Cleese” even though the comedic parts were carried mostly by Michael Palin and Kevin Kline.  JLC and JC were the least funny people in a not as fully as I remembered it movie.

monday i’m back in the saddle for sadia’s soulcycle birthday ride with the #730freaks and the lovely and wonderful miss lauren mchale. 

burn sf is having a fall challenge and my gimp knee isn’t going to prevent me from trying to make it 20 classes in October. 

now the only thing i need to figure out is how to stop inhaling anything with sugar that passes by my face.

fitfluential transformation soulcyce fitblr fitness journey healthy living burnsf pilates

saturday was pretty awesome.

i asked the dr. to learn how to braid my hair because i suck at it.  he did and it lasted most of the day.

followed by the drag spoof of ‘Hocus Pocus’ with Peaches Christ, Jinx Monsoon and BenDelaCreme, the only real downer of the day was another poorly written dr. who episode this season. 

i mean wtf steven moffat? 

the castro theater was packed with people spilling into aisles and sitting wherever they could find room on the floor once all the seats were taken. the show was hilarious, fun and everything you can imagine a drag version of a movie could be.  we didn’t stick around for the movie viewing.  after the show it just wasn’t necessary to watch the less entertaining version.  

tomorrow morning i go back to burn sf for the first time since before the wedding and before i thoroughly tweaked my knee.  i need to stop babying my injury and start gaining my strength back and i felt my strongest when i was going to burn 2-3x a week.  while i’ll need to back off of a lot of the high impact stuff along with squats and lunges it’ll be good just to be back in that environment where i feel challenged but not defeated.

peaches christ bendelacreme jinx monsoon hocus pocus castro theater burnsf

work.
just.  you know.  same same but different.  
it’s…
i’m working on it.  i want to stop talking about it. i need to stop actually.
i stepped out today to run some marriage-y errands with the dr.  we finally opened our joint bank account today but then could not deposit a number of the checks because we did not have our marriage license yet so we decided to just get that errand out of the way and went to city hall to get an official copy of our license and ate celebratory falafel in the shade.
when we got home i actually grabbed my laptop, notebook and pen and crawled into bed and worked from there for several hours nonstop just plowing through so many emergency tasks, everyday a fire drill, everyday a new URGENTURGENURGENTMUSTDOTHISNOW!!  message. it’s the nature of the business. this is not new.  i do not know why i still get worked up about it.
significantly less cardio post wedding is probably still the culprit in part of this malaise.  i don’t know why i canceled the soulcycle class i was supposed to go to tonight. it was like i was anticipating being too lazy to trek to the marina on a friday night.
but i think it was the right choice.  it freed up the evening to have a lovely dinner with the dr. @ cha-ya, our favorite vegetarian japanese joint and my friday night boba fix at bobaguys on 19th where i gave the last of the flash tattoos i had in my wallet to the ladies who work there who get so excited about such things.
this weekend i’m going to try and not work. it’s a jam packed weekend already with pilates @ body chemistry, my return to burn sf and attempting some cardio that isn’t bike related, a drag show @ the castro theater and my dear friend anotherdayanothertrack ‘s birthday.  and naps.  several naps.  because naps are amazing. 

work.

just.  you know.  same same but different.  

it’s…

i’m working on it.  i want to stop talking about it. i need to stop actually.

i stepped out today to run some marriage-y errands with the dr.  we finally opened our joint bank account today but then could not deposit a number of the checks because we did not have our marriage license yet so we decided to just get that errand out of the way and went to city hall to get an official copy of our license and ate celebratory falafel in the shade.

when we got home i actually grabbed my laptop, notebook and pen and crawled into bed and worked from there for several hours nonstop just plowing through so many emergency tasks, everyday a fire drill, everyday a new URGENTURGENURGENTMUSTDOTHISNOW!!  message. it’s the nature of the business. this is not new.  i do not know why i still get worked up about it.

significantly less cardio post wedding is probably still the culprit in part of this malaise.  i don’t know why i canceled the soulcycle class i was supposed to go to tonight. it was like i was anticipating being too lazy to trek to the marina on a friday night.

but i think it was the right choice.  it freed up the evening to have a lovely dinner with the dr. @ cha-ya, our favorite vegetarian japanese joint and my friday night boba fix at bobaguys on 19th where i gave the last of the flash tattoos i had in my wallet to the ladies who work there who get so excited about such things.

this weekend i’m going to try and not work. it’s a jam packed weekend already with pilates @ body chemistry, my return to burn sf and attempting some cardio that isn’t bike related, a drag show @ the castro theater and my dear friend anotherdayanothertrack ‘s birthday.  and naps.  several naps.  because naps are amazing. 

boba tea addiction flashtattoo career choices sanity naplife

i felt like an awkward flailing mess in pilates today.

oh well.

i hurt in really weird places.

but today i went up and down the back stairs to do laundry without any knee pain.  this is a good sign.  

i also did some of my PT exercises and there was indeed knee pain.  this is not a good sign.

the best thing about today?  it’s the last day of summer. tomorrow is officially fall. my cold brittle heart cannot wait for sweater weather.